Category Archives: General

My thatha

This snap is the only item apart from my educational certificates I brought from my home in B’lore as a newly wed here .THE ONLY ONE .

What can I say when I feel like a plant which has lost its roots and now is just dead.My thatha passed away .My ammachi passed a few years back .Then I felt like I should stop living even tho’ I had then 2 yr old .My grandparents were the the ost wonderful things to happen to me .they were my identity , my address my entire existence I defined by them ..I was so & so’s grandaughter .At some point it did become my daughters mom but what I liked best was this the one being their grandchild.

My mom gives me plenty of reason for eaving me with my grandparents when I was just 2 weeks old and being with my dad .My grandparents brought me up , like a princess a middle class princess …they even bought a cow for me because I had to drink milk from the same cow ..mind you thats the first &last cow they owned .My grandma a teacher & granpa a goverment officer .

A princess because they showered me with the love the most precious commodity in the entire world.The first question I would ask as a child when my thatha used to visit me in b’lore as soon as he stepped inside the home (I must have been 6-7)was thatha when will you be leaving .
Apparently this hurt him a lot and after many years he asked me why I was asking him this ,I told him then it was becuase the thought of him going away after his mini vacay was so devastating for I had to prepare myself in advance.He laughed relieved

Once I mentioned to him that I liked young world a supplement in The Hindu newspaper and guess what every few mos I would get a courier with all the young world supplements!!!At my home we used to buy Indian express and it never even occured to me to get The Hindu newspaper on sundays

He loved us so much I often wondered did thatha love his grandkids more or did ammachi ?Every term vacation every xmas every summer was spent there .I knew I was lucky even then to have them both .It used to bug my affectionate dad everytime my thatha used to come because the love I used to shower on him was nothing like the way showed my dad .My grandpa+ grandma was/is my all.

Now what am I supposed to do , it feels like doomsday has finally arrived but I still have to help my daughter with her homework …I feel like its finally over the best generation of all is finally being wiped off .I feel dead inside , I dont think I can ecover excep maybe live thru’ life can never ever be completely happy yes I will always be sad any happy emotion tinged with sadness .
Good bye thatha & ammachi ,to say that I will miss you would be like saying its….I dont what to say can’t think of any comparison.

Now you are both together


Bit o news

I have always felt there was a connection b/w the kidney n BP ,just like there is a realtion b/w liver n diabetes  (just a layperson’s educated guess), yeah i know it starts with the insulin resistance ,DNA etetc ..

This is a bit of good news…

Mike n Molly

Made me smile after a long day of frowns.
I have to admit I hv always have hade an extra-soft corner for weight challenged persons..simply because my original apple of my eye ,my cousin sis was fat.
She has struggled with her weight right from the time she was 6-8 yrs old,her mom my mom’s younger sis was the best mom anyone cud hope for .But this weight bothered her and she used to be harsh on her hoping that the harshness wud u know force her to eat sensibly.
It only made her more stressful and eat more .and I loved her with all my heart .Her #1 reason for weight was her eating habits , nobody else was heavy in our entire family her dad’s side included .
She had no underlying health conditions which cud hv contributed to her weight .She just ate ..anything she cud get her hands on .

She was/is brilliant ,a rank holder every time (made me proud as a peacock ) still this weight never really melted off of her .So seeing her struggle like that made me warm up instantly towards anyone who was heavier ,and really they are the funniest persons warmest persons on earth .

This sitcom embodies everything about weight challenged persons…its warm sweet n incredibly funny .We can watch without wrinkling our nose in disgust like some other series where they try to pass offense as humor

Note: I am not talking abt us who r just trying to lose w few pounds ,no I am talking about anyone who struggles to lose weight every single day of their life from their childhood ,unable to wear clothes they want to wear (in my cuzn case she longed to wear jeans n look chic ).
Recently she told me tho’ akka everyone is fat(India ) now ,so I fit in with the crowd.
As a child she never fit in because kids are generally thin/slim


something which I cannot describe is happening ,initially I did not notice it .But then when it happens in your face kind of , of course I had to sit up and take notice.
Its puzzling
Thankfully I have the trip coming up so I am happy about it ,atleast it will take my mind off it.

Meanwhile knitting wise ,I hv decided to take a break ,yeah instead I hv been clearing up the home and steam cleaning the carpets ….and I have bundled up the yarn and stored it safely in the storage box , plus I do have packing to do.Dh helped me tidy the home so it was a lot easier for me.Weekend we just stayed in because dh had work to do the whole day and sunday well we cleaned the home …top to bottom .

Meanwhile I think I may hv to buy some new tops for me ,I had just recently bought a couple of tops that too a bit on the loose side because u know I thot my graph wud only rise in wt dept ..but now I am kind of floating just after losing 4 lbs !
okaaay 3-4 lbs 😉 get it

I dread this shopping again ..clothes shopping …putting on /off trying new sizes ..its just too damn boring n tiring jeans also is hanging off my hips like its going to fall off if my belt ever gives in 🙂 ..again I did buy the jeans loose fitting to compensate for future weight gains …yuck .one of the new tops just keeps slipping off my shoulders ..

see..only I the eternal pessimist, can find a downside in this too 🙂 ..
..yes coming back to this thing that is bothering me …I wanted it ,and I got it but now it seems like a downside to me……no no I was intially happy but then … ?its actually a minor issue …but U know me I love blowing things up and dwelling on it fact its my fav pastime apart from knitting of course 🙂

yeah …yeah I am a major drama queen…but really if there were no dramas in life , wud it be interesting ? 🙂

I agree

Its true…this truly is the secret of happiness .

I hv tried meditation , tried short walks ..but being focussed …such a simple thing …is truly the secret


  • I have realised ,I dont want to knit for anybody else except kanmani ,I got bored knitting the blankie and a couple of other gifts I have done  in the past , scarves, caps,booties ,for others …..nope I dont want to knit for other babies too…and I love babies
  • So this means she is my muse right ?I dont even want to knit for Dh..I bought yarn thinking I would knit for my mother  ,then I changed it to knitting for MIL ..finally now , I have realised none would give me as much pleasure as knitting for my daughter…its not a mother-daughter thing..its something  even more frivolous , I am sure
  • So from now on , I am never going to knit anyone anything..not that people are queueing up my door …but u get it
  • The mind is a strange , mad thing all I can conclude from this

Never again

here is the blankie i was working on the past month and this is all I have to show for it 🙂

I finished working on it late at night but I wanted it done ,it was getting on my nerves as soon as i finished the cast-off i ran took a plastic cover  ,put blankie inside ,and put cello tape on it …like it was going to escape and haunt me 🙂 now I have gained even more respect for all of you who knit adult sized sweaters shawls etc .

This weekend I will give it to my friend  and her precious lil baby..

Never again will I knit such a huge blankie like this click here again

About a dad and his daughter

So , we have been trying to make kanmani sleep alone from the time she was well and healthy  enough to sleep alone (in the same room as ours ).Sleep at night has always been her dad’s  dept , from the time she came home from the NICU , nightly feedings , she slept on Dh’s chest for almost 2 mos when she came home and Dh would sleep at an incline because that’s the way she was most comfy with (at that time we didn’t know she had GERD too).Every feeding he would check her  temperature  , change her diapers and feed her .Afternoons was my shift .We got her crib , in which I struggled to get her sleep , struggle being the keyword here because of her sensory issues.Finally I discovered , weighted blankets(click) I just used many heavy blankets on her leg ,at that time I did not know I was using this method , I only knew by trial n error that she liked gentle pressure on her leg and back .She finally learnt to sleep in her crib …alone .

So she slept in the crib for naps and slept with us during night and I made sure she slept on DH ‘s side because she can be the worst sleep companion ,she will never sleep , she will tantrum ,chatter ..etetc…

Now fast-forward , Dh has been complaining for quiet some time that she needs to sleep alone , because her requests were getting too much .She will ask DH to tell the same ‘paati vadai suttai ‘ story in tamil, then english then again tamil over n over.

Also DH in his attempt to make it interesting for her will introduce Dora , boots etc in the story and each day the characters change …but he was getting tired and he never loses his cool with her ..which takes a lots of effort for anyone .Then she will say she has work to do and run off to the living room and cry if he asks her to come back ..this happens everyday

This weekend we got her twin bed , dora sheets etetc and I managed to make her sleep in her room in her bed .

When it was bedtime for us both ,I was so happy I put the pillow in the middle of the bed (usually I will be hanging on in the edge of the bed )and thought from now on its going to be so peaceful .

do u know what dh did after lying down for few moment ?

‘do u think kanmani will feel lonely when she wakes up in the other room’, I miss her , what if she gets scared ……etetc..

..and he woke the sleeping baby and brought her back to our bedroom and I again clung to the edge of the bed  :), once I rolled of the bed and ell down ,now it california queen size but , kanmani takes a lot of space and Dh wants her to sleep comfy so we both give her the space

hey amma I will be BACK 😉

my focal point

Everything and everyone else is only a blur for me n appa  🙂

She is a picture of happiness here because she had a godiva chocolate(as witnessed by the brown spot near her mouth) a trip in the toy train and was having fun with her frnds

No Problem

This is what Sh tells  me all the time ,  no problem.

Also she has discovered lights at the ripe age of 3 ,so if previously if switches caused her anxiety now its entertaining for her .She switches all the lights on , even when it is 100 F outside and I am literally blinded with all the natural brightness coming into our home ,she goes and switches on the artificial lights.

So I have cellotaped all the switches .Yesterday ,I almost fell down because of my own  bright   idea ,I wanted to drink water but I tripped over a big sized lid Sh’s boat …because I could not swtich on the light.

 She chooses her toys from the kitchen like pots and cups ,big spatulas and she leaves them all around the home 🙂

So every morning its like treasure hunt for me ,’now where will the black spatula be ‘ and I search and find it right in her room under the table .

Knitting wise well not much ,I am knitting a blanket for someone special(aren’ they all )..thats about it .